Beyond What's Trivial

I could think of only two words to describe the time elapsed from my last blog and today -- BUSY, HECTIC.

Yes, life had been busy and hectic for me the past many weeks. Deadlines at work and at school plus family affairs filled my calendar. I realized that during those times, I made my most important relationship -- my relationship with God, take the backseat. God is God anyway. If I don't pray enough or if I don't spend quiet times with Him enough or if I don't read the bible enough, He would understand. He always understands.

But why do I feel bad? I feel that something in me has weakened. There is a part inside that dried up. I feel a certain longing that no amount of busyness or even happiness can fill. I feel a relationship estranged. I feel a fellowship broken. I feel a connection cut off. I feel a certain thirst and hunger that no food nor drink can satiate. I feel lost and deprived. I feel that I am missing a big deal.

I realized that I really AM MISSING A BIG DEAL out of life. I spent too many times running after the "good" things that this world can offer at the expense of what is essential. No wonder I feel lacking.

I realized that the more I pursue worldly things, the more I am left feeling in need of more. There seems to be no contentment. There is unending focus on the self and what the self can get more out of this world. There's that drive to get just a little bit more, and then a little bit more. . . That kind of life is tiring.

Last night I attended the bible study fellowship. Classes started last Tuesday but I was absent last week. Topic for this period is the book of Matthew. Assignment for last night was an overview of the whole book and the reference -- the whole of Matthew, all 28 chapters!!! It was overwhelming for me, especially after those many weeks of "rest" but I'm glad and excited to be back. I can now change my focus -- from myself and from trivial to something which is eternal. Hopefully, this would put a sense of order into the disarray which has become my life.

I'm still busy; my schedule is still hectic but this time, I'm keeping my time more worthwhile. my busyness goes beyond what's trivial. *._.*