I was sorting my stuff last night and I came across this old notebook. In the notebook are some half-finished pieces ( I couldn't even call them literary art).
I guess it's so easy to guess what I was feeling then. *._.*
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
(dated 11 March 2007)
How is it that the more I know about you
the more I realize my unworthiness,
The more I learn about your works
the more I am made aware of my sinfulness?
I am reduced to nothingness,
stripped of my so-called achievements
I don't deserve any praise
whatever I have is by your grace.
(dated 17 March 2007)
i know something died in me
i just don't know what could it be
can you please be with me
help me have a deeper look inside of me.
i used to be vibrant, so full of life
everything around me was so gay and light
the day i lost you, nothing seemed right
all my days turned into nights.
i couldn't blame you if you found someone new
i drove you away, i made you blue
i hope i can say i still love you
that it kills me to see you go.
(dated 18 March 2007)
tears drenched my pillow
because i miss you
i wanted to say hello
and that i still love you.
sadness fills my heart
because we are apart
can we have a fresh start
a chance to talk, to chat?
loneliness overwhelms me
knowing that you're no longer free
our time has ended i can clearly see
no one should be blamed but me.
oh, i love you so
i will love no one, only you
it kills me to see you go
what should i do, please don't go.
i guess it's time to say goodbye
to let you go and maybe cry
someday all my tears will dry
when i think of you i will just sigh.
i'll be fine i know
and i'm sure you'll be too
so please go there's really nothing to say and do
a happy life, that's my wish for you.
(dated 19 March 2007)
it's been to long feeling this way
i'm confused, i don't know what to say
i loved you, in fact i still do
i don't understand why i let you go.
they say it's the right thing to do
we're not good for each other so better to let go
if it were true, how come i can't forget you
in my heart there is only you.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Beyond What's Trivial
I could think of only two words to describe the time elapsed from my last blog and today -- BUSY, HECTIC.
Yes, life had been busy and hectic for me the past many weeks. Deadlines at work and at school plus family affairs filled my calendar. I realized that during those times, I made my most important relationship -- my relationship with God, take the backseat. God is God anyway. If I don't pray enough or if I don't spend quiet times with Him enough or if I don't read the bible enough, He would understand. He always understands.
But why do I feel bad? I feel that something in me has weakened. There is a part inside that dried up. I feel a certain longing that no amount of busyness or even happiness can fill. I feel a relationship estranged. I feel a fellowship broken. I feel a connection cut off. I feel a certain thirst and hunger that no food nor drink can satiate. I feel lost and deprived. I feel that I am missing a big deal.
I realized that I really AM MISSING A BIG DEAL out of life. I spent too many times running after the "good" things that this world can offer at the expense of what is essential. No wonder I feel lacking.
I realized that the more I pursue worldly things, the more I am left feeling in need of more. There seems to be no contentment. There is unending focus on the self and what the self can get more out of this world. There's that drive to get just a little bit more, and then a little bit more. . . That kind of life is tiring.
Yes, life had been busy and hectic for me the past many weeks. Deadlines at work and at school plus family affairs filled my calendar. I realized that during those times, I made my most important relationship -- my relationship with God, take the backseat. God is God anyway. If I don't pray enough or if I don't spend quiet times with Him enough or if I don't read the bible enough, He would understand. He always understands.
But why do I feel bad? I feel that something in me has weakened. There is a part inside that dried up. I feel a certain longing that no amount of busyness or even happiness can fill. I feel a relationship estranged. I feel a fellowship broken. I feel a connection cut off. I feel a certain thirst and hunger that no food nor drink can satiate. I feel lost and deprived. I feel that I am missing a big deal.
I realized that I really AM MISSING A BIG DEAL out of life. I spent too many times running after the "good" things that this world can offer at the expense of what is essential. No wonder I feel lacking.
I realized that the more I pursue worldly things, the more I am left feeling in need of more. There seems to be no contentment. There is unending focus on the self and what the self can get more out of this world. There's that drive to get just a little bit more, and then a little bit more. . . That kind of life is tiring.
Last night I attended the bible study fellowship. Classes started last Tuesday but I was absent last week. Topic for this period is the book of Matthew. Assignment for last night was an overview of the whole book and the reference -- the whole of Matthew, all 28 chapters!!! It was overwhelming for me, especially after those many weeks of "rest" but I'm glad and excited to be back. I can now change my focus -- from myself and from trivial to something which is eternal. Hopefully, this would put a sense of order into the disarray which has become my life.
I'm still busy; my schedule is still hectic but this time, I'm keeping my time more worthwhile. my busyness goes beyond what's trivial. *._.*
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