Fixing a Broken Heart

Today, it saddened me to hear about a friend's broken relationship. I heard about it last week actually, but I thought (I was hoping) it was just an ordinary LQ. Apparently, this is more serious than that.

Two months before, another friend had to end her relationship with someone.

As a fairy tale girl who wants every ending, whether it be movie, novel or real life to be "they lived happily ever after", news of breaking-up is really a sad, sad news.

I remember my first broken heart back in 1992 (tagal na 'no?) when I caught my then boyfriend two-timing. It was really painful. All the descriptions I read in books about being broken-hearted (which I thought were corny before) like me nakatarak na matalim sa dibdib, me sementong nakadagan, etc. etc. were true. If I were to describe broken heart, I would say "it is worse than having a toothache, stomachace, headache and backache combined". There was this unexplainable heaviness of heart and a pain that is beyond comforting.

Anyway, when I went through that, I felt so lethargic. The mornings did not bring me any fresh start; in fact they brought me fresh tears. I did not have appetite. Sad songs seem to be always about me. I was lonely even in a crowd.

The nights were the hardest because sleep always escaped me. I think the only things that I wanted to do then were sulk and cry, but crying I did with more passion. Even in my sleep, I cried. Maybe, my crying was with a desperate hope that my tears would finally dry out and that my misery would end, (naks, misery daw o) but indeed, misery was a perfect description of what I felt then.

Maybe our good times were worth all the tears or maybe I was too plain foolish or maybe I was really "inlove", I stayed in that same relationship for a long-long time. Our on-break-on-break cycle took 15 years although counting all the years we were "on" would only take half of those years. Our relationship formally ended on 9 June 2007 - the day he got married - to no less than a friend of mine.

Weeks before the wedding, I was miserable. I was confused why he was getting married all of a sudden when he was still trying to come back to me (me mga konting kundisyones lang naman ako before accepting him with open arms again). I was miserable because the date of his wedding is my niece's first birthday and christening (so malamang, kita-kits kami sa church). I was miserable because he was having his wedding reception at their place, exactly 4 houses away from mine. I was miserable because I received lots of calls and sms asking why he was getting married with somebody else. I was plain miserable.

After the wedding, I thought I was done with the misery. I thought I would just spend sometime "hiding" then after that I'll be okay. Kaso mapagbiro ang tadhana.

My ex's sister who happens to be my bestfriend came home for the wedding. She would go back to London a week after the wedding. The day of her flight, I asked her to pass by the office to get the stuffs I bought for her and for us to have lunch together. Sukat ba namang mag-text while on her way here na she's with my ex and my ex's wife. Grabe!!!

To cut the long story short, I survived that ordeal with flying colors. I pretended I was okay. I acted as a very good hostess. I treat them for lunch. I made chika-chika with the wife. I also congratulated her. My ex and I did not talk; not even a single word.

Four months after that unforgettable day, I tell my friends I am having a good time. I am enjoying my single-blessedness so much as if I haven't a care in the world. I am excited to just explore things; to go out with friends and scour the different (A-Z) eating places; to have pajama parties; to experiment on different recipes; to read my paperbacks, etc. etc. It seems that the choices are endless, I don't know which ones to do first.

People ask me when I would get married because I am not getting any younger. I tell them I will get married if the right guy comes along. I told them not to mind the age because I'd rather be married 10 years less with the right guy than 10 years more with the wrong guy.

To you my broken-hearted friend, you don't need friends who would say:
"ano ka ba, stop crying for that guy because he doesn't deserve it" or "get a grip, grow up" or things like that, so you would never hear me say those words. I heard those before and aside from the pain they caused me, they contributed nothing to my healing.

What I'll say though is this:

You need time to grieve for the broken relationship. Take as much time you need. We won't rush you. We will just be here to support you. One day, you'll be okay. Look at J_ _ _, ok na ok na siya ngayon. Dami nga prospects eh.

Ako, ok na din. Wala nga lang prospect.

Ikaw, I'm sure, magiging okay ka na din in no time. In the meantime, watch ka nalang muna ng FRIENDS series and go out with us. *._.*