Part of my major to dos of 2008 is making my physical body fit by trying (operative word -- trying) to have a healthy diet, enough rest and exercise. So as to follow through on this, I've been trying to fit in gym skeds into my already full schedule and experimenting on healthy diets. It stretches me a little but I know that a healthy body is important.
When I heard the church message last Sunday, I was rebuked. Here I am, trying things to have a healthy body but forgotten the state of the inner man -- the most important above all, the condition of my soul. I wonder, am i nurturing my soul with "healthy food" and "exercise"?
Admittedly, I couldn't say that "as the deer pants for the water so my soul longs after thee." I want to have that desire to grow not just in the knowledge but in the love of God. This song contains my very prayer:
Deeper In Love
There is a longing only You can fill
A raging temptest only You can still
My soul is thirsty Lord
To know You as I'm known
Drink from the river
That flows before your throne
Take me deeper
Deeper in love with You
Jesus hold me close in Your embrace
Take me deeper
Deeper than I've ever been before
I just want to love You more and more
How I long to be deeper in love
Sunrise to sunrise
I will seek Your face
Drawn by the Spirit
To the promise of Your grace
My heart has found in You
A hope that will abide
Here in Your presence
Forever satisfied
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
2008 Major To-Dos
At the start of a new year, it is a common practice for people to make a list of the things or habits they want to change or implement throughout the year. Some call it new year's resolution; I call it major to-dos. I don't know if the way it is called makes any difference to others but it sure does to me.
I've been used to making resolutions for many years and seeing those resolutions forgotten at the onset of the first quarter. I realized that maybe the reason I couldn't follow through those resolutions is because I put more effort in the writing than in the thinking of what really needs to be written. I make a list -- the longer the better without really committing into it. Besides, the frequency of this being forgotten made me think that resolutions are made to be broken. *._.*
This year, I made a careful assessment of my life and how I want to make some changes. These I put into a list and labeled it My Major To-Dos.
1) Topping my list is the one that concerns my physical health. I have gained too much weight throughout the year and this has caused me difficulty in breathing, lethargy and other associated ailments. This year, I would observe discipline in the food I will eat, in exercising and in taking rest and sleep. This is recognizing that my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and so I must take good care of it.
2) I will also make my emotional and spiritual health glow. I commit to be consistent in my daily quiet times, devotions and prayer. I would surround myself with good friends who can help me in achieving this particular goal.
3) I would live simply so that I could cut down on my expenses. I will allot a portion of my salary to savings. This year, I would focus on my needs and not on wants. I will make a written budget and follow through it. I will pay off my bills the moment I receive them. As much as possible, I will pay the total amount due in all my credit cards. I will prayerfully consider maintaining just 1 or 2 cards to be used during emergencies.
4) I will be faithful in giving my tithes and offerings. I would be generous in my giving to my missionary friends and church.
5) I will deliberately reach out to people to show them God's love and be a channel of God's blessings.
6) I will endeavor to build up people and not to tear them down.
7) I will direct my complaints to the people concerned, or better yet, to God.
8) I will do something thoughtful for my loved ones at least every month.
I know that these won't be easy to do. There would be times that I would love to do the opposite of the things I've written, that I would fail. It's okay. I would just continue to keep in mind that the things I've listed are my to-dos; that if they do not get done today, then I still have the remaining days of the year to accomplish them. That is the antidote of quitting.
I've been used to making resolutions for many years and seeing those resolutions forgotten at the onset of the first quarter. I realized that maybe the reason I couldn't follow through those resolutions is because I put more effort in the writing than in the thinking of what really needs to be written. I make a list -- the longer the better without really committing into it. Besides, the frequency of this being forgotten made me think that resolutions are made to be broken. *._.*
This year, I made a careful assessment of my life and how I want to make some changes. These I put into a list and labeled it My Major To-Dos.
1) Topping my list is the one that concerns my physical health. I have gained too much weight throughout the year and this has caused me difficulty in breathing, lethargy and other associated ailments. This year, I would observe discipline in the food I will eat, in exercising and in taking rest and sleep. This is recognizing that my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and so I must take good care of it.
2) I will also make my emotional and spiritual health glow. I commit to be consistent in my daily quiet times, devotions and prayer. I would surround myself with good friends who can help me in achieving this particular goal.
3) I would live simply so that I could cut down on my expenses. I will allot a portion of my salary to savings. This year, I would focus on my needs and not on wants. I will make a written budget and follow through it. I will pay off my bills the moment I receive them. As much as possible, I will pay the total amount due in all my credit cards. I will prayerfully consider maintaining just 1 or 2 cards to be used during emergencies.
4) I will be faithful in giving my tithes and offerings. I would be generous in my giving to my missionary friends and church.
5) I will deliberately reach out to people to show them God's love and be a channel of God's blessings.
6) I will endeavor to build up people and not to tear them down.
7) I will direct my complaints to the people concerned, or better yet, to God.
8) I will do something thoughtful for my loved ones at least every month.
I know that these won't be easy to do. There would be times that I would love to do the opposite of the things I've written, that I would fail. It's okay. I would just continue to keep in mind that the things I've listed are my to-dos; that if they do not get done today, then I still have the remaining days of the year to accomplish them. That is the antidote of quitting.
New Year's Blues
Which is harder to do, share in someone's joy or share in his/her sorrow?
Before Christmas, I heard that my discipler's brother died in his sleep. This same discipler's father passed away a month earlier. I didn't have a hard time sharing in her sorrow. I, together with the other D-12 ladies went to Baguio to attend the wake and the interment, and to help comfort the family in their time of grief. Sharing in the family's bereavement somehow came naturally.
A few minutes before the new year's day, my bestfriend (who is the sister of my ex) called. In the middle of our conversation, she mentioned that my ex's wife is already pregnant. It was a good news; everybody in their family has been waiting for the coming of a baby. However, I couldn't share in their joy. I felt a pinch somewhere inside my heart.
I couldn't understand my feelings. I thought I was okay-okay. My reaction to that news made me wonder if I was ever okay or I was just successful in hiding the pain for that long a time. Am I back to round 1 again? Will I traverse that long road of trying to let go and get over all over again? Haven't I accomplished anything?
(Sigh) . . . and so I had my new year's blues . . . .
Before Christmas, I heard that my discipler's brother died in his sleep. This same discipler's father passed away a month earlier. I didn't have a hard time sharing in her sorrow. I, together with the other D-12 ladies went to Baguio to attend the wake and the interment, and to help comfort the family in their time of grief. Sharing in the family's bereavement somehow came naturally.
A few minutes before the new year's day, my bestfriend (who is the sister of my ex) called. In the middle of our conversation, she mentioned that my ex's wife is already pregnant. It was a good news; everybody in their family has been waiting for the coming of a baby. However, I couldn't share in their joy. I felt a pinch somewhere inside my heart.
I couldn't understand my feelings. I thought I was okay-okay. My reaction to that news made me wonder if I was ever okay or I was just successful in hiding the pain for that long a time. Am I back to round 1 again? Will I traverse that long road of trying to let go and get over all over again? Haven't I accomplished anything?
(Sigh) . . . and so I had my new year's blues . . . .
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Christmas Message
CHRISTMAS!!!
What comes to mind when we hear that word? Frenzied shopping and creatively wrapped gifts of different shapes and sizes? Can you smell and taste that holiday food - delicious ham, baked chicken, keso de bola, fruit cake, maybe some wine? Fun-filled parties and family reunions? Trying on a special outfit while the kids enjoy the latest toys? Holding on just a bit longer to those newly-minted crisp peso bills from the year-end bonus? Those precious days of vacation and a long-awaited break from the usual routines? Santa Claus and Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer?
As a child, I looked forward to Christmas as that special time of the year for new clothes, toys, lots of food and gifts. It was also a time for family get- togethers. Even relatives from far away places spend hard-earned foreign and local currency to come home and celebrate Christmas with the rest of us. It seemed to me that the usually colder weather, all that gift-giving and eating and partying made people more friendly and happy than they usually are. I started to believe that at least once a year, at Christmas, we have the chance to forget problems and set aside grudges and let love, peace and goodwill to all men reign. Christmas became special because of all the prosperity, fun, and good cheer it connotes. So I had always been excited about Christmas.
But was this really all that Christmas is supposed to be?
There's a story told of a woman who prepared a splendid and very grand celebration for her son's first birthday. She made sure everything was there—the food, the decors and party favors, the band and musicians. The balloons were there, and there was even a magician. Indeed, it was a happy party and everyone was having a great time. Finally, someone remembered to ask where the celebrant was. They looked all over the house and their search led them to the child's bedroom where they were horrified to find the baby in his crib, all-dressed up for the party but forgotten and now suffocated to death by the coats and jackets of the guests that had been piled unknowingly on top of him.
This story strikes painfully at my heart because I realize that I'm like that mother and the other party guests - so preoccupied preparing for and partying at Christmastime but forgetting all about the celebrant. I would clean up and brighten the house with decors, put up the Christmas tree and spend much time dressing it up with tinkles, balls and bells, set aside money and weekends shopping for and preparing gifts for everybody, plan and prepare delicious foods for the traditional noche buena, delight in the Christmas carols dominating the airwaves, and invite guests over to share in the festivities.
But where was the celebrant? Lying there lifeless in his wooden manger, on display somewhere in our home but, in truth, forgotten and uninvolved in all the celebration. If I were to be honest, He wasn't really the reason for all the fuss. All the hustle and bustle of Christmas has become really just another excuse to satisfy our own pleasures, rather than celebrate with joy the Christ for whom this season is named.
We forget that this man, Jesus, born more than 2000 years ago, is not just any ordinary birthday celebrant. Jesus is the Son of God. At Christmas, we give the best gifts to those we love the most. God so loved the world (that's you and me and every other person on this earth) that He gave His best, His one and only begotten Son, Jesus, so that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. The gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus. This gift had an enormous price tag no person on this earth could ever pay - Jesus paid for it with His own life.
Listen with your heart to the lyrics of this familiar song:
As little children, we would dream of Christmas morn
And all the gifts and toys we knew we'd find
But we never realized a baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives.
We are the reason that He gave His life
We are the reason that He suffered and died
In a world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live..."
Jesus Christ is what Christmas is all about. When He was born over 2000 years ago, He shared in our humanity so that by His death He might free everyone from the fear of death and by His resurrection, those who believe in Him may also have new life. And that is definitely reason for celebration and rejoicing!
Christmas is certainly a season for gift-giving. Traditionally, we give gifts to those we love. Yet we love because He first loved us. We ought to be giving gifts generously because we first have received the greatest gift of all. All the expensive and fancy gifts we can think of in this world give us pleasure, but only for a moment. Want to know the best gift to give to all your loved ones? God's gift to you of eternal life in Jesus is a gift that doesn't need batteries, never fades or shrinks, never conks out, never goes out of fashion, never falls apart, and never diminishes in value. It's the one thing you can take with you everywhere, even to eternity. Afraid you don't have enough to get gifts for everyone? God's gift of eternal life can be shared and passed on to all. Whether you already have plenty or are still in want, God's gift is still the most precious you will ever receive. If we share this gift with more and more people, then surely this world will again remember the reason to celebrate Christmas.
So, I ask you again - what comes to your mind when you hear the word Christmas? CHRIST JESUS should be the only answer.
Take His gift given to you in love and by grace, enjoy it and share it with the world that desperately needs to know what Christmas is really all about. A blessed Christmas to you all!!!
What comes to mind when we hear that word? Frenzied shopping and creatively wrapped gifts of different shapes and sizes? Can you smell and taste that holiday food - delicious ham, baked chicken, keso de bola, fruit cake, maybe some wine? Fun-filled parties and family reunions? Trying on a special outfit while the kids enjoy the latest toys? Holding on just a bit longer to those newly-minted crisp peso bills from the year-end bonus? Those precious days of vacation and a long-awaited break from the usual routines? Santa Claus and Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer?
As a child, I looked forward to Christmas as that special time of the year for new clothes, toys, lots of food and gifts. It was also a time for family get- togethers. Even relatives from far away places spend hard-earned foreign and local currency to come home and celebrate Christmas with the rest of us. It seemed to me that the usually colder weather, all that gift-giving and eating and partying made people more friendly and happy than they usually are. I started to believe that at least once a year, at Christmas, we have the chance to forget problems and set aside grudges and let love, peace and goodwill to all men reign. Christmas became special because of all the prosperity, fun, and good cheer it connotes. So I had always been excited about Christmas.
But was this really all that Christmas is supposed to be?
There's a story told of a woman who prepared a splendid and very grand celebration for her son's first birthday. She made sure everything was there—the food, the decors and party favors, the band and musicians. The balloons were there, and there was even a magician. Indeed, it was a happy party and everyone was having a great time. Finally, someone remembered to ask where the celebrant was. They looked all over the house and their search led them to the child's bedroom where they were horrified to find the baby in his crib, all-dressed up for the party but forgotten and now suffocated to death by the coats and jackets of the guests that had been piled unknowingly on top of him.
This story strikes painfully at my heart because I realize that I'm like that mother and the other party guests - so preoccupied preparing for and partying at Christmastime but forgetting all about the celebrant. I would clean up and brighten the house with decors, put up the Christmas tree and spend much time dressing it up with tinkles, balls and bells, set aside money and weekends shopping for and preparing gifts for everybody, plan and prepare delicious foods for the traditional noche buena, delight in the Christmas carols dominating the airwaves, and invite guests over to share in the festivities.
But where was the celebrant? Lying there lifeless in his wooden manger, on display somewhere in our home but, in truth, forgotten and uninvolved in all the celebration. If I were to be honest, He wasn't really the reason for all the fuss. All the hustle and bustle of Christmas has become really just another excuse to satisfy our own pleasures, rather than celebrate with joy the Christ for whom this season is named.
We forget that this man, Jesus, born more than 2000 years ago, is not just any ordinary birthday celebrant. Jesus is the Son of God. At Christmas, we give the best gifts to those we love the most. God so loved the world (that's you and me and every other person on this earth) that He gave His best, His one and only begotten Son, Jesus, so that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. The gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus. This gift had an enormous price tag no person on this earth could ever pay - Jesus paid for it with His own life.
Listen with your heart to the lyrics of this familiar song:
As little children, we would dream of Christmas morn
And all the gifts and toys we knew we'd find
But we never realized a baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives.
We are the reason that He gave His life
We are the reason that He suffered and died
In a world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live..."
Jesus Christ is what Christmas is all about. When He was born over 2000 years ago, He shared in our humanity so that by His death He might free everyone from the fear of death and by His resurrection, those who believe in Him may also have new life. And that is definitely reason for celebration and rejoicing!
Christmas is certainly a season for gift-giving. Traditionally, we give gifts to those we love. Yet we love because He first loved us. We ought to be giving gifts generously because we first have received the greatest gift of all. All the expensive and fancy gifts we can think of in this world give us pleasure, but only for a moment. Want to know the best gift to give to all your loved ones? God's gift to you of eternal life in Jesus is a gift that doesn't need batteries, never fades or shrinks, never conks out, never goes out of fashion, never falls apart, and never diminishes in value. It's the one thing you can take with you everywhere, even to eternity. Afraid you don't have enough to get gifts for everyone? God's gift of eternal life can be shared and passed on to all. Whether you already have plenty or are still in want, God's gift is still the most precious you will ever receive. If we share this gift with more and more people, then surely this world will again remember the reason to celebrate Christmas.
So, I ask you again - what comes to your mind when you hear the word Christmas? CHRIST JESUS should be the only answer.
Take His gift given to you in love and by grace, enjoy it and share it with the world that desperately needs to know what Christmas is really all about. A blessed Christmas to you all!!!
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
If Only
I don't know what it is with me today. I feel so melancholic. It seems that with a little prodding or provocation, my tears would fall. Is this just PMS? Am I going crazy or something? Maybe something . . . .
This afternoon I spoke with Nanay. We were talking about her mother (my lola, deceased for more than 5 years) then suddenly I started choking up and started my "if only" lines --
-- if only she had died much later, when I was already in my present job, then I could have given her much more
-- if only our relatives cared for her better, maybe she'd still be alive today
-- if only, if only, if only - unending if onlys.
I thought I've settled this before but now I'm stuck again with this dead end. I couldn't shed off the sadness that goes with the if only. Maybe I've not dealt with this fully that's why every now and then, this if only issue comes and pops its ugly head on me. Maybe I need to settle this once and for all.
I don't like, ever, to say those two words again. It's miserable to be living in regrets. Sabi nga ng isa kong friend shit happens - sometimes my fault; sometimes the others'; sometimes it's nobody's fault. The fact is -- shit happens talaga. So what do I do in situations like that - sulk and blame myself? Sulk and blame others? Sulk, blame myself, blame others and wish things didn't happen the way they did? None of these can help me move on.
Things happen for a purpose. I may not be able to get all the answers that I want in this lifetime, the fact still remains that there is someone who controls everything and that someone is on my side so why do I need to sulk?
I realized, if onlys are the work of the devil because he is a divider and an accuser. He wants people to live miserably.
Next time, when you get tempted to wallow in your own version of if onlys, bear in mind that it's the devil working. Don't give him any attention. That's the best way to thwart his plan. He will never succeed.
This afternoon I spoke with Nanay. We were talking about her mother (my lola, deceased for more than 5 years) then suddenly I started choking up and started my "if only" lines --
-- if only she had died much later, when I was already in my present job, then I could have given her much more
-- if only our relatives cared for her better, maybe she'd still be alive today
-- if only, if only, if only - unending if onlys.
I thought I've settled this before but now I'm stuck again with this dead end. I couldn't shed off the sadness that goes with the if only. Maybe I've not dealt with this fully that's why every now and then, this if only issue comes and pops its ugly head on me. Maybe I need to settle this once and for all.
I don't like, ever, to say those two words again. It's miserable to be living in regrets. Sabi nga ng isa kong friend shit happens - sometimes my fault; sometimes the others'; sometimes it's nobody's fault. The fact is -- shit happens talaga. So what do I do in situations like that - sulk and blame myself? Sulk and blame others? Sulk, blame myself, blame others and wish things didn't happen the way they did? None of these can help me move on.
Things happen for a purpose. I may not be able to get all the answers that I want in this lifetime, the fact still remains that there is someone who controls everything and that someone is on my side so why do I need to sulk?
I realized, if onlys are the work of the devil because he is a divider and an accuser. He wants people to live miserably.
Next time, when you get tempted to wallow in your own version of if onlys, bear in mind that it's the devil working. Don't give him any attention. That's the best way to thwart his plan. He will never succeed.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
New Hope
For these past days, things have become more difficult to my aunt as she started to care for my uncle Manny who has cancer. He is not yet bed-ridden but Uncle Manny has become irritable and he gets very angry to the littlest of things. He also becomes very, very quiet sometimes. This is very different from the Uncle Manny I used to know. He used to be very jolly; he doesn't frown and most especially, doesn't shout. This is understandable given the circumstances.
All these things are taking their toll on my aunt. She seems to be the one carrying all the burden. She takes care of everything -- the family needs, the finances, my uncle's medical needs, etc. Aside from all the problems, she also has her own grief to take care of. She couldn't even cry openly because she doesn't want her husband to think that she's losing hope. She is like the shock absorber in the family.
Last week, when we heard the doctor, we were in a rush to start uncle Manny's chemotherapy to "buy him another three months". Fortunately, their doctor friend in Canada is not in agreement to the plan. He advised us to either have more tests done or get a second opinion. We opted for a second opinion.
Yesterday, Uncle Manny and Aunt Lorie talked to another doctor and her diagnosis gave us a little more hope. She said that according to tests, the cancer has not spread to the bones yet and it is not yet stage 4 but 3. Uncle Manny will still undergo chemo but on lighter doses. He would weaken a bit but he would still be able to do his normal routine everyday. There is still a big possibility of the tumor to get smaller and for it to be removed through surgery. Thank God!
Uncle Manny is still in danger but these new findings gave us new hope. We continue to cling to this hope and trust God that my uncle would still be healed.
I thank everyone who has been praying with us. May you continue to be with us in prayer as we await God's plan unfold through this.
All these things are taking their toll on my aunt. She seems to be the one carrying all the burden. She takes care of everything -- the family needs, the finances, my uncle's medical needs, etc. Aside from all the problems, she also has her own grief to take care of. She couldn't even cry openly because she doesn't want her husband to think that she's losing hope. She is like the shock absorber in the family.
Last week, when we heard the doctor, we were in a rush to start uncle Manny's chemotherapy to "buy him another three months". Fortunately, their doctor friend in Canada is not in agreement to the plan. He advised us to either have more tests done or get a second opinion. We opted for a second opinion.
Yesterday, Uncle Manny and Aunt Lorie talked to another doctor and her diagnosis gave us a little more hope. She said that according to tests, the cancer has not spread to the bones yet and it is not yet stage 4 but 3. Uncle Manny will still undergo chemo but on lighter doses. He would weaken a bit but he would still be able to do his normal routine everyday. There is still a big possibility of the tumor to get smaller and for it to be removed through surgery. Thank God!
Uncle Manny is still in danger but these new findings gave us new hope. We continue to cling to this hope and trust God that my uncle would still be healed.
I thank everyone who has been praying with us. May you continue to be with us in prayer as we await God's plan unfold through this.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
I Refuse to Ask God "Why" . . . .
For the past weeks, hurtful things have been happening to our family. One hurtful thing was the way my father lost the elections and how he was betrayed by his so-called friends. It was heart-breaking to see him alone; left by the friends he trusted. We tell him to move on and forget about his friends because they are not worth his sadness but of course, the pain doesn't easily just go away. By the grace of God, he is now slowly feeling better.
I found out that though this issue about my father hurts, his losing the elections is nothing compared to my uncle Manny having stage 4 lung cancer. What is more devastating is the fact that he was just recently diagnosed (28 October 2007, to be exact) of it and now the cancer has spread throughout his body.
My father's issue, though it hurts, will pass and soon he will smile again, but my uncle might not stay here long enough to smile on us.
I had an indirect bout with cancer when the lady I disciple in church had breast cancer. It was hurtful when we first heard about it and when we saw her difficulties during her chemo sessions. Thank God, she has been cancer-free for more than a year now. I thought that was the closest and last encounter I'd have with cancer but I was mistaken. When I heard the news about my uncle, I felt like the world stopped. There's just heaviness and emptiness inside.
This afternoon, I took a half-day leave from work to accompany my aunt (wife of Uncle Manny) to the doctor. She wanted to see Uncle Manny's doctor because she wanted to get honest answers -- is there a chance of survival? how long does he have? what can we do? what options do we have? will he have so much pain? how much time does he have? how much does it cost? etc. etc.
She has been staying in Canada for the past three years and so she hasn't seen Uncle Manny for so long. She just flew home when she heard about Uncle Manny's condition. Until now, they haven't seen each other because Uncle Manny went to Hong Kong to get the rest of his stuff. He was hoping to return there while waiting for his immigration papers in Canada. They were supposed to leave for Canada next year.
Anyway, our appointment was at 2:30pm. We were told that we are 6th in the appointment list. When we arrived around 1:30pm. I told the doctor's assistant that we were already there; that if the people listed in numbers 1-5 are not yet there, if she could please call us. After a few minutes, she ushered us into the doctor's office.
The doctor seems kind. I can see the compassion in the way he speaks. He is gentle. He patiently explained to us the extent of Uncle Manny's condition. Though he is very nice, he is also very honest and he doesn't have any good news to tell. We were told that the cancer has spread throughout Uncle Manny's body and that there is no more cure. He has approximately 6 months to live if he doesn't take any treatment. If he would have chemotheraphy and if his body responds to it properly, this would only help him feel comfortable, to ease his coughing, to allow him to have better sleep and appetite. Unfortunately, the chemo won't be able to fight the cancer anymore. If his body responded to treatment, his life might be prolonged for around 3 months, if he is lucky, around 4 months.
I couldn't breathe when I heard that. I struggled not to cry. I thought I have to appear strong for my aunt's sake. Her face was full of pain. Of course, what worse news is there than knowing that your husband is dying? She didn't cry though. Maybe, she was just too numb to cry. If only I could take some of the pain so she'll feel better.
Uncle Manny will arrive on Saturday. They will talk then whether to pursue with the chemotherapy or not.
My heart feels so heavy but I'm sure the pain I feel is nothing compared to the pain my aunt and the rest of their family feel. I wonder what I can do to help.
Despite these things that have been happening, I fully trust God's goodness and I refuse to ask Him why these unpleasant things have been happening. I've experienced God's goodness and faithfulness for the past years. I know that He is in control of everything. Though some things might be hard to understand now, I'm sure that in His time, all will be brought to light. Someday, we will see things as they are. In the meantime, in spite of the pain, I need to sit still, knowing that God has my best interests at heart.
Amidst cancer, I thank God for the remaining time that my uncle still has. He has six months to enjoy and we have these six months to show him how important he is and how much we care for him. While others just go without warning, we have enough time to prepare.
I also thank God for the doctor and for his assistant. Their compassion and gentleness are really comforting.
I thank God for my Uncle's and Auntie's friends. They are unselfishly giving for Uncle Manny's treatment. They even organized a fund-raising event for him and the money are just pouring in.
Blessings are abounding. I can only ask that God use me as an instrument to show to my Uncle and Auntie and the rest of the family His real "face" -- loving, kind, gentle, faithful . . . .
I found out that though this issue about my father hurts, his losing the elections is nothing compared to my uncle Manny having stage 4 lung cancer. What is more devastating is the fact that he was just recently diagnosed (28 October 2007, to be exact) of it and now the cancer has spread throughout his body.
My father's issue, though it hurts, will pass and soon he will smile again, but my uncle might not stay here long enough to smile on us.
I had an indirect bout with cancer when the lady I disciple in church had breast cancer. It was hurtful when we first heard about it and when we saw her difficulties during her chemo sessions. Thank God, she has been cancer-free for more than a year now. I thought that was the closest and last encounter I'd have with cancer but I was mistaken. When I heard the news about my uncle, I felt like the world stopped. There's just heaviness and emptiness inside.
This afternoon, I took a half-day leave from work to accompany my aunt (wife of Uncle Manny) to the doctor. She wanted to see Uncle Manny's doctor because she wanted to get honest answers -- is there a chance of survival? how long does he have? what can we do? what options do we have? will he have so much pain? how much time does he have? how much does it cost? etc. etc.
She has been staying in Canada for the past three years and so she hasn't seen Uncle Manny for so long. She just flew home when she heard about Uncle Manny's condition. Until now, they haven't seen each other because Uncle Manny went to Hong Kong to get the rest of his stuff. He was hoping to return there while waiting for his immigration papers in Canada. They were supposed to leave for Canada next year.
Anyway, our appointment was at 2:30pm. We were told that we are 6th in the appointment list. When we arrived around 1:30pm. I told the doctor's assistant that we were already there; that if the people listed in numbers 1-5 are not yet there, if she could please call us. After a few minutes, she ushered us into the doctor's office.
The doctor seems kind. I can see the compassion in the way he speaks. He is gentle. He patiently explained to us the extent of Uncle Manny's condition. Though he is very nice, he is also very honest and he doesn't have any good news to tell. We were told that the cancer has spread throughout Uncle Manny's body and that there is no more cure. He has approximately 6 months to live if he doesn't take any treatment. If he would have chemotheraphy and if his body responds to it properly, this would only help him feel comfortable, to ease his coughing, to allow him to have better sleep and appetite. Unfortunately, the chemo won't be able to fight the cancer anymore. If his body responded to treatment, his life might be prolonged for around 3 months, if he is lucky, around 4 months.
I couldn't breathe when I heard that. I struggled not to cry. I thought I have to appear strong for my aunt's sake. Her face was full of pain. Of course, what worse news is there than knowing that your husband is dying? She didn't cry though. Maybe, she was just too numb to cry. If only I could take some of the pain so she'll feel better.
Uncle Manny will arrive on Saturday. They will talk then whether to pursue with the chemotherapy or not.
My heart feels so heavy but I'm sure the pain I feel is nothing compared to the pain my aunt and the rest of their family feel. I wonder what I can do to help.
Despite these things that have been happening, I fully trust God's goodness and I refuse to ask Him why these unpleasant things have been happening. I've experienced God's goodness and faithfulness for the past years. I know that He is in control of everything. Though some things might be hard to understand now, I'm sure that in His time, all will be brought to light. Someday, we will see things as they are. In the meantime, in spite of the pain, I need to sit still, knowing that God has my best interests at heart.
Amidst cancer, I thank God for the remaining time that my uncle still has. He has six months to enjoy and we have these six months to show him how important he is and how much we care for him. While others just go without warning, we have enough time to prepare.
I also thank God for the doctor and for his assistant. Their compassion and gentleness are really comforting.
I thank God for my Uncle's and Auntie's friends. They are unselfishly giving for Uncle Manny's treatment. They even organized a fund-raising event for him and the money are just pouring in.
Blessings are abounding. I can only ask that God use me as an instrument to show to my Uncle and Auntie and the rest of the family His real "face" -- loving, kind, gentle, faithful . . . .
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)