New Year's Blues

Which is harder to do, share in someone's joy or share in his/her sorrow?

Before Christmas, I heard that my discipler's brother died in his sleep. This same discipler's father passed away a month earlier. I didn't have a hard time sharing in her sorrow. I, together with the other D-12 ladies went to Baguio to attend the wake and the interment, and to help comfort the family in their time of grief. Sharing in the family's bereavement somehow came naturally.

A few minutes before the new year's day, my bestfriend (who is the sister of my ex) called. In the middle of our conversation, she mentioned that my ex's wife is already pregnant. It was a good news; everybody in their family has been waiting for the coming of a baby. However, I couldn't share in their joy. I felt a pinch somewhere inside my heart.

I couldn't understand my feelings. I thought I was okay-okay. My reaction to that news made me wonder if I was ever okay or I was just successful in hiding the pain for that long a time. Am I back to round 1 again? Will I traverse that long road of trying to let go and get over all over again? Haven't I accomplished anything?

(Sigh) . . . and so I had my new year's blues . . . .